Thoughts

I am harshly realistic in my worldview, and this has been a result of my contemplative nature. It's not easy to be romantic when you find all around you no hope in the current plight. I've often wallowed in the bitter emotions which have been caused by my experiences. Many would think that my life is a good one, and in fact quite a few would envy my position, but not me. I'm a deeper enigma than most realise, and if you only scratch the surface you may be surprised by what you find inside.
I've never been able to associate myself with the romantics, who constantly aim for the ideal and lose themselves in the positives of life. Unlike them, I accept the realities of life, and I don't ignore the bitter side of human existence.
Sometimes I wish for the same ideals of the romantics, but whenever that happens, I spring back to myself, reminded of times when my hopes of the same were shattered bitterly. I am not like the normal teenager...I don't have the same hopes and aspirations of the normal teenager. But sometimes, I wish I was like that. To lose all desire for the things which appeal to teenager can be painful, because I find myself not being able to connect with the people around me. It's a bad thing to happen.
There's so much more to me than people realise.

My Future

In the recent past, I've thought a lot about what I'm going to do when school comes to an end. Since we're all rapidly heading towards the demise of school life, it was best to take the time to think it through, before it's too late.
One thing I had decided on was to do Law. Although I first settled on Law ages ago, my belief that I should go in for Law became stronger. I would, obviously, want to get into any of the top 3 colleges in India, namely NLS, Bangalore; NUJS, Kolkata or NALSAR, Hyderabad. I'm hopeful that with determination and luck, I can get into NLS. That would be great.
Another thing I would like to do, but not as a career option, is to make films. I have a great interest in filmmaking, and I would want to try my hand at it. Doing more theatre is something I considered, but the medium of film appeals to my creative imagination more. I do like to act, and acting in plays is another thing I would like to do, but for expressing myself creatively I find myself drawn towards film.
I'm very practical about this though, and I'm positive that I don't want to have theatre or film as a career. It's possible, but I don't want to go in for it.

Prefects

Recently, the most frequent topic of discussion in our batch has been prefectship. And one of the main things that has been discussed is whether the names being touted for possible prefects deserve the double bar.
For me, I've always aspired to be a school prefect. It's been a dream I've nursed ever since I saw my seniors wear the tie. It was my ambition to wear the tie one day, and I hope the day won't be long in coming. But one thing that's always been discussed ever since I can remember was whether the people who got it, deserved it or not.
I first remember people asking this question when Keshav Kanoria became School Vice Captain in the year 2001. No one disputed that Jashodeep deserved to be School Captain that year, but I heard several seniors saying Nipun Chopra and Aditya Sharma, among other names, deserved to get Vice Captaincy. I don't know why these questions were raised...I was in Class 6 when this took place, but I cannot remember a year when no one disputed the names put in the prefect's list. My friend Arjun Puri was named School Captain the following year...and I heard several people saying he didn't deserve it. In fact, for a long time since I have heard people who have said he didn't deserve it. The fact that Puri was one of the most popular School Captains didn't seem to deter his detractors.
This continued when Shovik Banerjee and Ravi Bhushan were named Captain and Vice Captain. It seemed to be a Martinian tradition that every year people would grouse about those who received the double bar. Many were surprised when Advay Jhunjhunwala was not made School Captain in his year, continuing the persistent trend.
The one year in which this tradition was broken was when Lester Gunnion and Dibyadeep Datta were made School Captain and Vice Captain. That was one year in which everyone felt more or less satisfied that the people who got the tie deserved it. Of course, grumbles were heard from some quarters about some exclusions from the list, and everyone felt Dane Ross should have been a prefect...and thus the trend continued.
Last year too, there were several complaints about the prefect's list. Sometimes I wonder whether it is worth letting something like prefectship get in the way of batch unity and pride in being a Martinian. I can say one thing for sure. Whether I wear a prefect's tie or not, I will always be a proud Martinian. Whenever I've told my friends that it doesn't really matter whether I get to be House Captain or not, they've laughed. But I stick by my word. Of course, it would be a great honour to be House Captain, but I wouldn't regret not getting it.

Batch stuff

"United We Stand" - that's what they had decided for our batch motto...but things change quite quickly. I never once thought that this would change so quickly. Splits appeared within the erstwhile united group...and soon cracks of division appeared in the various friend circles.
True, we would still unite if something affected the batch as a whole...but not everyday does such an issue come about. The hypocrisy is so damningly evident, it hurts. There are people who bitch endlessly about others, but in the same breath condemn others for bitching. I can't really blame them, it's a human tendency to do so. Yet it is nonetheless sickening. The pretences and charades just don't seem to end.
I personally hate this whole thing. The worst part is that people try and get you to hate the individuals they dislike. I'm never going to mention any names, but if A doesn't like B - A will try his hardest to get C, D and E to hate B as well. I never understand the point of all this, perhaps because of my naivete in believing in the good side of people.
So is our batch really divided? No. I don't think so. I think our batch is united, but the divisions are underneath the surface, never spilling over. The divisions have their roots in simple jealousy. It is something as petty as envy which is the root of the problem. The sooner people in our batch realise how foolish this is, the stronger we will be as a batch.
At the end of it all, our batch is a brilliant one. We have among us the best students to wear the LMB stripes. If these petty problems are sorted out, it will be all the better for our batch as a whole.