Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I know I've always been negative and pessimistic about love, and very often I've believed that love does not exist in our world. How then, can I justify myself when I feel the pangs of unrequited love? Do I not hold myself to blame, since I often thought myself incapable of loving at all.
In truth, love has been the one thing I've reflected on the most, and yet I never had a hope of loving.
Can I justify by any means whatsoever my feelings? When I used to doubt the capacity of others to love, can I claim to love when it's my own instance?
And so, I hesitate to call it love - but what else can you call it? Calling it by any other name doesn't do it justice. In a state when poetry flows out of sheer feeling and days and nights are spent simply reflecting on sweet memories, in a state when you feel totally fucked up because you just know how screwed up you are in your mind - what do you call it?
What do you do then, when you feel as such and yet can't do a damn thing about it?

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

I'm not at my's been a bad time for me, and although on the surface it appears to all that everything's going as great as ever, it is definitely not so.
In reality, I've been down. I've been depressed and I've been trying to keep my mind off it by keeping myself busy so that I don't think about it...but it isn't easy, especially when there isn't much that's left to keep my mind off things.
Music doesn't help too much just depresses me further to listen to my favourite songs nowadays. Currently trying to rearrange Dylan's Like A Rolling Stone to suit my current frame of mind. And trust me, this depression is not caused by the end of school. I think the termination of school life will be more of a release than anything else, because for me to put on the entire facade of aloof and praiseworthy house captain is becoming a pain.
Hopefully it'll get better.