Saturday, September 29, 2007

Personal Issues

I have had this eternal pessimism regarding anything to do with dating/relationships. I've been single for one and a half years now, and thus out of that has borne this kind of disbelief with the whole thing.
Since my last, quite unceremonious break up, I have been, in my own words, quite "happily" single. There have been times I've wondered how the people around me have managed to be so happy with their "committed" tag. Among them was my very own best friend, who has been quite secure in his own relationship. I did not give these matters much importance, though, because after quite a long time, I was experiencing a phase where I did not like any girl in particular, and therefore was quite pleased with my own situation.
In fact, there had been a time in my life where I started liking a new girl every week or so. I was quite certain that my position was a lot better than that...and I liked the situation I found myself, free of the hassles and tensions that plague the adolescent mind who finds himself besotted by the fairer members of the opposite sex. Having been through those very tensions myself many times in my life, I was thankful that I no longer felt the rush of raging hormones which cause the problems of all teenagers.
But more recently, I have been troubled by this. One thing that even I couldn't ignore was how happy my friends who were committed seemed. In particular the example of my best friend was one that struck me. I have known Bhaskar for several years now, and I doubt if anyone has had more positive effect on his life than his girlfriend, who has managed to do what I thought was impossible - made him clean up his act. The 'new' Bhaskar is much happier and much better off than I have ever seen him. And besides him, many other committed friends have been doing very well. This kind of shook my settled committment apathy.
The recent Doon trip really ruffled my feathers, though. To someone set in his single ways, to be one of only 2 people in the entire contingent who was single was not a very pleasant fact. It was not because I wanted to be part of the majority phenomenon, but it was because I realised that the vast majority did not share my opinion on this matter, and aspired to be committed, rather than the other way around like me.
Of late, I have been in a situation which I have been unfamiliar with for an extremely long time. It's troubling, because I had forgotten what it was like to be in such a situation, and I can tell you with great confidence that it is far from desirable in my current phase. I don't know which course future developments will take, but I think I'm in for a rough time.


Blogger trish said...

what a place to leave us hanging!

9:01 PM  
Blogger full tilt said...

inconsiderate, yes.
however i share your professed views.
but then i am hyper-independent. i don't count.

11:45 PM  
Blogger Nupur58 said...

you just reconfirmed my idea of you being a nice guy....: )

2:28 PM  
Blogger Soheni Arora said...

I can completely understand your situation. I've long since passed the adolescent phase of being besotted weekly with some new member of the opposite sex.
I've also realized I'm super commitment phobic! (It's even rarer for a woman than a man.) Relationships are just not my cup of tea, and I've been "Happily Single" for the longest time.
But I can't help notice how "Happily Committed" people around me are. I don't begrudge them their happiness. I'm just left wondering how they're that happy in a relationship, and I sometimes question my own apathy.

6:39 PM  

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